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Les zombies au secours d’Haïti

Didier Kala, vendredi 15 janvier 2010 - 10:56 Partager sur Facebook Tweeter Enregistrer sur del.icio.us Enregistrer sur Google Bookmarks Enregistrer sur Yahoo! Envoyer par e-mail

Les autorités de Port-au-Prince, d’abord mises KO debout par le tremblement de terre de mardi soir, reprennent peu à peu le contrôle de la situation et déploient une solution locale qui pourrait faire baisser de manière spectaculaire le nombre de victimes : elles vont transformer celles-ci en zombies.

La nouvelle provoquera le soulagement de la communauté internationale à l’orée d’une nouvelle journée de Ligue 1 : bon nombre de victimes du tremblement de terre en Haïti devraient être debout d’ici la semaine prochaine.
La solution adoptée met en exergue la volonté des peuples du Tiers-Monde de s’en sortir par eux-mêmes et illustre parfaitement le vieil adage « Donne un poisson à un homme et il perdra le goût des galettes de boue ».
C’est en effet grâce à une de leurs propres méthodes ancestrales que les Haïtiens vont pouvoir remettre leur économie et leurs morts sur pied : le vaudou.

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Michael Jackson et Alain Bashung ont annoncé un concert de soutien : Welcome to the Hotel Montana.

Importé d’Afrique dans les bagages des premiers travailleurs immigrés, le vaudou est une croyance religieuse selon laquelle les mondes des vivants et des morts sont intimement liés et communiquent fréquemment pour peu que l’on exerce les bons rites. Comme l’explique Maman Brigitte, directrice de la communication du mouvement, « te gen yon aksidan. Mwen grangou ».
Ainsi, le vaudou permettra de fabriquer des zombies à partir des dizaines de milliers de morts qui jonchent les rues de Port-au-Prince et de ses environs.
Les media internationaux ne s’y sont d’ailleurs pas trompés, qui titrent déjà sur la coexistence entre les morts et les vivants et diffusent en boucle les images de ces silhouettes hagardes, blafardes et mutilées qui errent sans but dans les décombres de la capitale.

L’opinion publique, saturée depuis deux jours par des images pénibles et bien moins pittoresques que celles des plages de l’Océan Indien après un tsunami, accueillera ce répit avec bonheur.
Elle n’aurait quoiqu’il en soit pas pu tenir bien plus longtemps. L’élément d’actualité Haïti avait une durée de vie limitée à dix jours maximum, les hôtels y étant bien moins classe qu’en République Dominicaine.

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Les zombies sentent fort mais ils pourraient sauver l’économie haïtienne.

Le citoyen global et responsable qu’est le téléspectateur pourra donc se rassurer en sachant qu’à long terme les répercussions de ce tremblement de terre sur l’économie seront limitées, voire nulles.
Les zombies sont naturellement moins vifs que les citoyens vivants, mais la main d’œuvre haïtienne a de toute façon une productivité classée parmi les plus faibles de l’hémisphère nord.
L’entrepreneur étranger ne devrait par conséquent pas noter de différence fondamentale dans son retour sur investissement, ni même dans ses interactions avec les travailleurs haïtiens, le parler zombie étant remarquablement similaire au créole pratiqué dans l’île.
L’expatrié prendra en revanche bien garde à ne pas laisser ses enfants sortir le soir.

Le mot de la fin revient à Maman Brigitte, qui tient à remercier par avance le monde entier pour les efforts qui seront entrepris afin de moderniser Haïti et la faire entrer dans le groupe des pays développés : « Mwen anvi vonmi ».

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    Les zombies au secours d’Ha

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            Les zombies au secours d'Ha

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            Use a coaching log to track weights, sets, and reps.

            Regulate based on performance. Selecting the proper workout split is dependent upon training experience, recovery capability,
            and objectives. Full Body or Upper/Lower splits work nicely for energy and
            basic fitness, while Push/Pull/Legs or Bro Splits may be
            better for advanced hypertrophy training. The
            best break up is one that permits constant progress and suits private recovery capability.

            For the newbie lifter, this type of training will assist maximize muscle
            gain until your health stage is prepared
            for extra advanced workouts. This 4-day advanced full-body workout plan is made for individuals
            who have been lifting weights for a minimal of a yr. The routine lasts for three months and focuses on constructing muscle mass.

            The major goal is to realize dimension and power by lifting heavier weights
            with fewer repetitions in every set.
            In addition, creatine may enhance the number of satellite tv for pc cells
            in your muscular tissues.5 They are small cells inside the
            skeletal muscle tissue of the human body which are normally dormant.
            When woken up by way of bodily exercise like weight coaching, they fuse
            with present muscle fibers, increasing the scale and strength of the muscle.

            While not essential for building muscle, carbohydrates can additionally be useful after training.

            Throughout a exercise, your body taps into the carb reserves for energy, depleting them.
            Post-workout carbs assist replenish these stores, giving you the energy in your subsequent
            epic workout and helping with muscle restoration. Now, lifting weights isn’t wasted when you
            don’t eat more protein than the common individual, however if you want to build muscle fast, upping your protein intake
            presents vital and confirmed benefits.
            The coach drastically simplified my exercise and DOUBLED the
            amount of meals I was consuming. Flexibility in your
            coaching is crucial throughout a year-long bulk.

            This adaptability can make an enormous distinction in your overall success.

            If you discover a consistent upward pattern, regulate your
            caloric intake.
            However whenever you get into the actual workouts beneath, you’ll see that you’re going to be doing compound
            exercises with heavyweights. You should try each certainly one of these routines and utilize them for an extended period
            of time. Use any certainly one of these programs for as lengthy as you can keep making results, then move to the following one.
            In order to build muscle you should be progressive together with your
            training. No matter which program you attempt, always
            be sure to are including extra reps, units, or weight to the
            bar.
            All forms of dips hit the chest closely, however on chest day, it is price making
            sure you are doing dips that emphasize the pecs.
            Put your feet up behind you, lean ahead as far as attainable, and permit your elbows to flare
            out barely as you dip. In that case, attempt the
            dumbbell monkey row, a wonderful old-school exercise that has undeservedly been forgotten over
            the many years. You could make the train easier by performing kneeling
            push ups or more difficult by using an elastic band for
            added resistance.
            For instance, test your most number of push-ups or pull-ups and measure your vary
            of movement in key joints. This complete approach
            ensures your year-long bulking phase delivers balanced improvements in strength,
            muscle development, and total fitness. Health testing at the end
            of your year-long bulking phase is essential for evaluating your progress and setting new objectives.
            This course of provides a clear picture of your energy, muscle gains,
            and total physical performance, serving to you transition effectively into
            the next part of your fitness journey. This means gradually increasing
            the burden or reps over time. Jeff Cavaliere is a
            Bodily Therapist, Strength Coach and creator of the ATHLEAN-X Coaching Programs and ATHLEAN-Rx Dietary Supplements.

            References :

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        • {#EMAIL_AUTEUR,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

          18 mai 21:21, par Zara

          Les zombies au secours d'Ha

          Seek The Advice Of along with your healthcare supplier when you
          have any concerns or want specific medical recommendation relating to any symptoms,
          situations, analysis, or therapy. Do not delay in search of medical recommendation, and do not disregard professional medical advice based on this content material.
          Your healthcare supplier can provide the most suitable guidance based
          on your situation. Like many aspects of our health, ‘normal’ testosterone levels
          range relying on the person and certain factors
          similar to weight, diet, medicine, age, and
          sickness. It also signals the physique to make new purple blood cells,
          keeps the bones and muscular tissues robust, controls the intercourse drive, and provides general well-being.
          It’s answerable for many adjustments, similar to will increase in top, physique and pubic hair progress, penis, testes, prostate,
          and sex drive.
          Though some individuals believe that masturbating can decrease
          testosterone ranges, there isn’t any proof to support this.
          Let’s get into how you can recognize the signs of high T levels in individuals
          with penises and people with vulvas, how it’s recognized,
          and what to do about it. T has a job in numerous
          processes across the body, together with the upkeep of bone and muscle mass and the storage and metabolism of
          physique fats. A particular person should contact a well being care provider if they experience signs or signs of high testosterone.
          The doctor can order tests to confirm the prognosis and determine
          the underlying trigger. Testosterone is important for well being, however too much could enhance the danger of health issues, such as an enlarged prostate gland.
          As a half of your subscription and as medically indicated,
          physicians prescribe drugs, and advocate dietary supplements which
          would possibly be delivered to you from the comfort of your home.

          High testosterone in men isn’t frequent, but
          genetics, steroid use, and some medical situations can elevate
          T outdoors the healthy range. High testosterone can result in physical and
          mental signs, together with an increased danger for most cancers, heart issues, infertility.

          If you suspect you might have excessive testosterone, your
          physician can check your T ranges and suggest therapy choices.

          For instance, athletes and bodybuilders sometimes use anabolic steroids to enhance athletic efficiency and build
          muscle mass. This can result in symptoms of high testosterone ranges, and doctors could suggest stopping taking steroids.
          It regulates your sex drive, your capability to placed
          on muscle, sperm production, and more. Testosterone is primarily produced in the testes, which ramp up the manufacturing of the hormone as puberty approaches.
          They keep pumping it out at an honest clip until your
          mid-30s when T ranges naturally begin to decline.
          Growths close to areas of the body that produce hormones,
          such because the testicles or adrenal gland, could cause very extreme testosterone in males.

          Firstly, it’s important to rule out any underlying medical situations or medications which could be
          causing the elevation in testosterone levels.
          Additionally, genetic factors must be taken into consideration, as some individuals may naturally have larger testosterone ranges no matter age.

          In some instances, medicines or testosterone dietary
          supplements may be recommended to assist steadiness testosterone ranges.
          However, all the time seek medical recommendation from a healthcare professional, as some over-the-counter supplements or anabolic steroids can cause undesirable unwanted effects or
          different problems.
          Nonetheless, these artificial hormones can disrupt the body’s natural testosterone
          production and result in high testosterone levels, among other undesirable unwanted facet effects.
          High testosterone ranges in the physique can be attributable to
          quite lots of elements, including medical situations, way of life choices, and genetic predisposition. Understanding the causes of excessive testosterone
          is essential for correct diagnosis and treatment. In this
          article, we are going to explore a few of the frequent causes of
          excessive testosterone and their potential impact on general well being.

          One research revealed in The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and
          Metabolism discovered that testosterone ranges decline by approximately 1%
          per year after the age of 30. This decline is thought to be a result of age-related changes in the testes, which produce testosterone.
          Additionally, there is proof to recommend that components such
          as weight problems, continual illness, and
          certain medicines can additional contribute to the decrease in testosterone levels.

          Disorders corresponding to congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH) and adrenal tumors could cause the adrenal glands to supply
          excessive quantities of testosterone. This can result in symptoms corresponding to early puberty, virilization (development of male characteristics), and infertility.
          Some men, notably athletes and bodybuilders, might use anabolic steroids to extend muscle mass and enhance athletic performance.
          anabolic steroids at Gnc steroids are artificial versions of testosterone
          that can drastically enhance testosterone ranges within the body.

          Voir en ligne : anabolic steroids at Gnc

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        • {#EMAIL_AUTEUR,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

          20 mai 00:45, par Rodger Trumper

          Les zombies au secours d'Ha

          There is another main issue in addition to bone size that influences an individual’s
          top, and that is posture. Many trans men, particularly if they’re ready to have chest reconstruction surgical procedure, start to face straighter and taller than they did
          beforehand. This can make a tremendous distinction in top, especially if a guy was slumping to hide his pre-surgery chest.
          There can be a factor of confidence and pride in enhancing posture ; such feelings are sometimes elevated post-transition, and might make an individual stand taller to succeed in their full peak potential.
          His aim is to foster healthier lifestyles to improve
          individuals’ quality of life and well being span by way of on-line
          medical and non-medical providers.
          Regular monitoring and medical supervision stay essential to make sure the well-being and optimal hormone balance of transgender
          women present process hormone alternative remedy. Private experiences shared
          by transgender girls who have undergone testosterone HRT further assist the scientific findings.

          Many transgender women report a cessation of their menstrual safe
          steroid cycle - epsontario.com, after starting hormone remedy.
          Some could initially expertise irregular bleeding, however this often subsides over time.

          These firsthand experiences present priceless insights into the individual variation and
          total impression of testosterone HRT on the menstrual cycle.
          When discontinuing testosterone alternative remedy, your body undergoes several hormonal changes.

          It is essential to manage expectations when considering voice modifications after testosterone therapy.
          Reverting to the exact pre-therapy voice is unlikely, but with proper steerage and
          follow, people can obtain a voice that aligns more intently with their
          desired pitch and resonance. It usually takes a few months for noticeable
          adjustments to happen, however it can take up to a 12 months or extra
          for the total results to be realized. It Is necessary to remember that the modifications seen in voice are irreversible, so patience and warning are required.

          If anyone, including a trans particular person, tries to inform you that they know with
          certainty the trigger of transgender id, they are not being totally honest with you.
          The reality is that we simply have no idea for certain why
          some individuals are transgender and some are not. Numerous theories exist (including all
          the ones listed above and doubtless more)—and perhaps a quantity of of these theories might turn out to be true—but as
          but none has come close to being proven. Considering current
          medical information, it’s difficult to say whether or not using testosterone by trans men in doses for the aim transition and upkeep
          will increase the chance of liver cancer.

          The process of voice change in males usually begins around
          the age of and might continue for a quantity of years.

          Initially, the voice might crack or break as
          the vocal cords are nonetheless adjusting to the changes.
          This can result in a period of vocal instability where it becomes troublesome to control the pitch and tone of the voice.

          Nonetheless, because the vocal cords mature, the voice becomes extra
          secure and settles right into a deeper register. Whether Or Not stopping BHRT is influenced by personal well being issues or unwanted effects,
          it’s useful to re-examine why you selected to start BHRT and reconsider its many short-term and long-term advantages.

          Nevertheless, if intestine dysbiosis is present, beta-glucuronidase activity could additionally be
          altered, consequently decreasing estrogen in your physique.

          Nonetheless, in case your HPA Axis is under-functioning or overly stressed, then what
          do you think happens to the stability of your hormones and your period ?
          Your hypothalamus is the part of your brain that controls the
          release of hormones (like estrogen and progesterone) from the pituitary gland.
          Once you understand the essential hormones behind your period, the 28 day cycle
          makes a lot extra sense. As a lady of menstruating age, your interval is your body’s monthly "report" card—signaling if
          your hormones are "balanced" or not. Consuming problems or undereating, not getting
          the proper nutrients, and super-intense train can definitely mess together with your interval.

          Working with a healthcare professional or speech-language
          pathologist who specializes in transgender voice coaching is extremely really helpful to ensure protected and effective vocal coaching.

          With dedication, practice, and steerage, individuals can obtain their
          desired vocal range throughout testosterone treatment.
          In conclusion, the consequences of testosterone on voice, including deepening
          and masculinization, are generally permanent to some extent.
          By working with professionals and employing vocal strategies,
          people can modify their voice to align with their gender identification to a sure extent.

          During puberty, the vocal cords of people assigned female at birth (AFAB)
          lengthen and thicken as a outcome of an increase in testosterone ranges.
          Testosterone also impacts the muscles surrounding the
          vocal cords, giving them a more strong and resonant sound.

          Blood testing, such as the Female Hormone Panel by Precision Point, can provide a snapshot of
          intercourse hormones.
          One Other concern is the time it takes for fertility to return after
          stopping testosterone remedy. This can differ relying on how long the
          remedy was used and the individual’s well being.
          For males, sperm production may take a number of months to return to regular after stopping
          testosterone. In each instances, it’s important to
          work carefully with a healthcare provider to observe the restoration of fertility.

          Considering about stopping testosterone alternative
          therapy (TRT) as soon as you have started ? TRT is usually a long-term dedication,
          and stopping it isn’t as easy as just deciding to quit.

          Your body’s pure testosterone production might have slowed down,
          and abruptly stopping may deliver again those undesirable symptoms
          you had been trying to fix within the first place.
          In some cases, excessive ranges of testosterone can disrupt the balance
          of hormones and lead to irregular menstrual cycles and even cease menstruation altogether.

          Nevertheless, it may be very important observe that there are many factors that
          can contribute to those menstrual irregularities and it is best to seek the
          advice of with a healthcare skilled for an accurate diagnosis.

          Testosterone remedy is usually not thought-about protected for use during being
          pregnant due to the potential risks to each the pregnant individual and the developing fetus.
          Medical pointers strongly advise in opposition to continuing testosterone therapy
          throughout being pregnant. Nevertheless, stopping testosterone
          remedy may help scale back the chance of problems, help healthier fetal improvement, and improve general pregnancy outcomes.

          Voir en ligne : epsontario.com

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    • {#EMAIL_AUTEUR,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

      13 mai 2015 20:45, par Ulrike

      Les zombies au secours d’Ha

      Way cool ! Some extremely valid points ! I appreciate you writing this post plus the rest of the website is also very good.

      Voir en ligne : Vivien

      Répondre

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  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    6 février 2010 14:02, par drÖne

    Une autre attaque de zombies…

    Une autre attaque de zombies sur Haïti ! Pour sécuriser ses frontières, la Drönésie Orientale déclare l'état d'urgence artistique suite au téléthon pour Haïti : http://drone-zone.org/drone/telethon-pour-haiti-la-dronesie-declare-letat-de-catastrophe-artistique/ Tous aux abris (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    18 janvier 2010 15:16, par john duff

    Il est temps que l’on fasse…

    Il est temps que l'on fasse cesser le sexisme à Tahiti et ses innombrables victimes.
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    17 janvier 2010 23:22, par Jef Tombeur

    Dans un autre genre pas si…

    Dans un autre genre pas si éloigné, finalement : http://www.come4news.com/haiti-devaste-vu-par-la-presse-britannique-495617
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    17 janvier 2010 14:59, par Benoît XVI

    J’ai en effet pris contact…

    J'ai en effet pris contact avec lui lorsqu'il dirigeait avec entrain la villa Médicis. Il venait boire des coups à Saint-Pierre de temps à autres. Un jour, alors que nous visitions la chapelle Sixtine, il me fit cette confidence en regard du plafond: "Joseph, cette main de Dieu me fait penser à la (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    17 janvier 2010 14:09, par Plokta

    Annonce par notre bien-aimé…

    Annonce par notre bien-aimé ministre de la santé de l'envoi de plusieurs tonnes de médicament à Haïti. Mme bachelot aurait annoncé: "Dans quelques jours, tous les Haïtiens seront hors de danger, la grippe H1N1 ne pourra plus les toucher. Qu'aurait pu faire ce peuple sans l'aide de la France.  Vive la (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    17 janvier 2010 12:29, par messe rine

    t’y vas avec Frédéric Mitterrand…

    t'y vas avec Frédéric Mitterrand ?  :-)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    17 janvier 2010 12:28, par

    t’y vas avec Frédéric Mitterrand…

    t'y vas avec Frédéric Mitterrand ? :-)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    16 janvier 2010 23:10, par Benoit XVI

    Non, non et très chrétiennement…

    Non, non et très chrétiennement non ! Ils nous font suer ceux-là!!! Avant ils crevaient très discrètement, par milliers, chaque année... Et on s'en tapait le crucifix sur le coquillard!!! Et là, quoi?! Bah oui, un séisme, ça fait trembler la terre, et ça fait donc du bruit!!! Voilà qu'ils meurent en (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    16 janvier 2010 19:04, par messe rine

    Bizarre de voir cette course…

    Bizarre de voir cette course au pognon, championnat de la charité, tout le monde donne, même la soc gen y va de son p'ti million, même la France "pays en ruine" cf F Fillon annule la dette de Haïti. Alors pourquoi autant de pognon pour Haïti ? des catastrophes yen a d'autres nan ? Indonésie, (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    16 janvier 2010 13:24, par Kim Jean-Guy

    Je suis très choqué par…

    Je suis très choqué par les reportages à la télé sur Haiti ! Il est indigne de montrer tous ces noirs même pas crevés (mais bien entamés) à l'heure du repas. Y a deux ans les jaunes pour Noël et maintenant les noirs pour la chandeleur...  N'avez vous donc aucun respect des fêtes religieuses (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    15 janvier 2010 23:37, par La compétition, c'est la vie

    Sans vouloir faire du mauvais…

    Sans vouloir faire du mauvais esprit, il faut bien reconnaître qu'avec le Tsunami l'Asie du Sud-Est avait placé la barre très, très haut - en plus pendant les vacances de Noël on avait mieux le temps de regarder la télé.  Non évidemment c'est triste pour les gens qui sont morts, mais là c'est (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    15 janvier 2010 19:17, par Silvio B.

    Il faut prendre ça comme…

    Il faut prendre ça comme un camping du week-end !
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    15 janvier 2010 16:40, par Zombie de souche

    Braaains !

    Braaains!
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    15 janvier 2010 14:42, par Jean Bond (de bayonne)

    Je me porterais bien volontaire…

    Je me porterais bien volontaire pour acceuillir temporairement une ou deux familles de zombies, mais avec leur réputation de "bouffeurs de cerveaux" ça me refroidi un petit peu...  C'est que mon cerveau, j'ai besoin de toute sa disponibilité, pour regarder (...)

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Admiring the commitment you put into your site and detailed information you present. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the (...)

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