Politique

LREM commande 25000 sprays aux rillettes pour les municipales

Didier Kala, vendredi 17 janvier 2020 - 19:35 Partager sur Facebook Tweeter Enregistrer sur del.icio.us Enregistrer sur Google Bookmarks Enregistrer sur Yahoo! Envoyer par e-mail

Sitôt annoncée, sitôt populaire ! L’eau-de-vie aux rillettes largement médiatisée ces derniers jours n’est pas encore sortie de cuve qu’un client inattendu s’est manifesté : la République en Marche compte bien sur cette "potion magique" pour s’attirer la sympathie des électeurs de Province.

Pour le moins étonnant, le produit a fait se lever plus d’un sourcil : une eau-de-vie élaborée à partir de rillettes traditionnelles de première qualité et d’un alcool de blé à 96 degrés, qui seront ensuite distillés. L’expérience se déroule au Mans et le procédé est méticuleux : « Plus les molécules de rillettes sont grasses, » souligne le maître-affineur de la Distillerie du Sonneur avec ce terne accent sarthois qui fait de chaque phrase presque un mystère, « plus l’alcool doit être fort pour les décoller du fond. Ce niveau de technicité, même les Bretons n’y arrivent pas. »
Cette eau-de-vie sera vendue en spray et pourra parfumer des salades, des cocktails, un café, etc.

« On avait ce problème insoluble, et ça a tout de suite fait tilt ! » s’esclaffe Gérald Darmanin depuis son bureau à Bercy.
La République en Marche se trouve en effet face à des élections municipales compliquées. L’absence historique d’implantation locale du parti présidentiel n’aidera pas à créer assez vite un lien de confiance avec des péquenots qui mangent avec les doigts, boivent de la bière et le voient comme essentiellement parisien et déconnecté des réalités.
« Faut être clair : il y a un sacré handicap en face » renchérit le ministre de l’Action et des Comptes Publics. « Mais un petit coup de senbon aux rillettes derrière les oreilles et sous les bras et le Français moyen il te prend pour sa grand-mère, après il te suit partout. »
C’est pourquoi le parti a d’ores et déjà commandé à la distillerie manselle un lot de 25000 sprays qui seront distribués aux candidats LREM aux municipales qui en feront la demande. Des séances de coaching seront annoncées ultérieurement.

La République en Marche n’exclut pas de continuer à utiliser le produit s’il donne satisfaction aux prochaines élections. Une source pilotant le programme mentionne un usage possible : « on va étudier les électeurs qui hésitent entre nous et le Rassemblement National. La bonne odeur du porc devrait rallier ceux qu’on n’a pas pu convaincre avec les bruits. »
La même évoque également le développement de produits dérivés : « le second étage de la fusée ce sera les sénatoriales. On réfléchit à une essence de venaison ou à une eau de toilette à l’andouillette. »
Un bel avenir est promis à cette startup résolument French touch !

Diffusez les vraies valeurs ! Partagez cet article !

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