SociétéPratique

Crise du logement : conseils pour renégocier son bail

Dédé Lajoie, lundi 3 janvier 2011 - 07:48 Partager sur Facebook Tweeter Enregistrer sur del.icio.us Enregistrer sur Google Bookmarks Enregistrer sur Yahoo! Envoyer par e-mail

Vous êtes Parisien (what else ?) et votre propriétaire vient de vous donner congé de votre bail par lettre recommandée amenée par un gauchiste. Vous avez 6 mois pour trouver un logement. Brave Patrie vous apporte son expertise en relations humaines de droite pour renégocier votre bail avec élégance et bon goût tout en respectant les valeurs de la France qui gagne ®.

Votre propriétaire tient absolument à récupérer pour son « usage personnel » le coquet appartement de 8 m3/12 m2 (8,63 m2 loi carrez) qu’il vous a jusqu’alors diligemment cédé pour 1000 euros pour mois. Certes vous avez un peu de mal à la croire mais ce n’est pas vraiment votre problème : après tout c’est lui qui décide et si vous n’êtes pas d’accord vous n’avez qu’à cessez de geindre et être propriétaire vous aussi. Pour autant tout n’est pas perdu : vous êtes de droite, il est propriétaire, vous lui donnez 40 % de votre salaire, il en veut plus ; Une simple discussion entre personnes respectables devrait permettre de trouver une solution.

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Urbanisme

L’aménagement de nouveaux golfs dans les Yvelines devrait permettre de désenclaver le 16ème arrondissement.

Voici quelques règles simples pour arriver à vos fins avec élégance et courtoisie.

Règle n° 1 : Rester digne et zen

Commencez par un faire un point sur votre situation et admettez qu’objectivement tout ne va pas si mal. Le sourire des professionnels de l’immobilier quand ils évoquent le prix moyen du mètre carré parisien et la lecture du dernier numéro spécial du Nouvel Obs sur les « vrais prix de l’immobilier parisien » sont autant de gaies nouvelles qui doivent stimuler votre optimisme. Vous habitez [encore] DANS Paris pour au moins 6 mois : cela ne justifie t il pas quelques sacrifices sommes toutes bénins ?

Certes, mis à part les jours de pluie, vous n’avez pas vraiment l’eau courante. Mais reconnaissez cependant que la pratique de la douche dans les vestiaires de la salle de musculation au boulot a grandement facilité votre parcours professionnel (tout en vous rapprochant de Jean-Louis à la direction du marketing).

Règle n° 2 : votre propriétaire est un humain lui aussi : parlez des charges

Le cœur rasséréné par la lecture du paragraphe précédent et l’intime conviction chevillée au corps que vous êtes un « battant » (comme le volet cassé du coin salle de bain) vous pouvez désormais rencontrer votre propriétaire.

Essayez de replacer votre cas particulier dans un contexte plus général. Rappelez-lui combien en vous offrant un toit moyennant une juste rémunération pour la propriété qu’il tient de sa grande tante son action est socialement indispensable. Au besoin, citez les écritures, un « J’étais étranger -quoique français®- et vous m’avez hébergé » (acte 25, scène 35 selon Saint Matthieu) avec le chèque de fin de mois fait toujours son petit effet. S’il ne réagit pas, soyez fou : bredouillez vaguement un truc en hébreu en lâchant distinctement « Mitzvah » [1]( NDLR : genre de BA réservées aux élus). En dernier recours, osez un syncrétisme couillu en affirmant à votre propriétaire que « l’Abbé Pierre aurait sûrement voté DSK ».

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Cadre de vie

Le point d’équilibre entre budget en hausse et surface habitable est parfois difficile à trouver.

C’est maintenant le moment de sortir votre arme argumentative majeure : les charges. Regardez le droit dans les yeux, pensez à la tête de Woerth lorsqu’il fait son honnête. Puis, énoncez clairement et distinctement toutes les charges qui accablent le rentier. Faites une pause à « CSG », accélérez vers « taxe foncière » pour finir par « Impôt de Solidarité sur la Fortune ». Lorsque vous repérez une larme dans son œil naguère impavide et froid, passez votre bras le plus musculeux autour de ses frêles épaules et dans le creux de son oreille murmurez doucement avant d’y glisser une langue humide d’émotion : « mon frère /ma sœur tu es un homme/une femme comme moi ».

Règle n° 3 : Entretenez vos sphincters

Le principe de toute négociation avec un propriétaire parisien sur un marché « tendu » est de rester souple et peut-être même d’accepter des positions qui pour en être créatives n’en sont pas moins douloureuses. En d’autres termes il faut toujours dire oui mais en souriant. Vous avez toutefois la possibilité de faire varier l’intensité du « oui » pour signifier la profondeur de votre adhésion. Un « oui » simplement enjoué est grossier, préférez-lui un « oui » allègre pour dire que ça fait un peu mal et réservez le « oui » avec éclat de rire pour limiter le nombre de doigts à deux.

Ainsi, il veut 10 % de loyer en plus ? Proposez lui en 13 en ajoutant que vous seriez prêt à lâcher à 15 -minimum- s’il n’y avait pas les charges (cf point précédent). Le mur a des infiltrations d’eau et les séances SM de la voisine de palier perturbent vos soirées « la nouvelle star » ? Evoquez ces points sur un ton badin en l’invitant à venir par lui-même constater les dégâts de la voisine sur les murs (voire à la rencontrer).

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Loi de 1948

Le prix du marché souffre encore de "rigidité structurelle"

Très important : insistez sur le fait que vous tenez à cet appartement plus que tout au monde. Soulignez ses points forts :
- une vue dégagée sur la cour intérieure : ajoutez un commentaire méchant sur la concierge « payée à ne rien faire » et « pire qu’une fonctionnaire » (avec rires : + 10 points),
- une situation en hauteur combinée à l’absence d’ascenseur qui a contribué à l’arrêt de votre tabagie dégageant ainsi un petit bénéfice substantiel (dont l’heureux bénéficiaire sera bientôt votre propriétaire).
- des wc modernes non turcs sur le palier qui vous ont permis de nouer des relations intéressantes avec le petit vieux qui organise des partouzes de chats pour en repeupler tout l’arrondissement.

Vous pouvez naturellement égayer cet inventaire d’invectives gracieuses sur la « pénibilité patrimoniale » et combien « tout coûte cher de nos jours ». Evitez toutefois de mentionner la loi de 1948 dont la « suppression espérée » devrait « fluidifier le marché ». Dans tous les cas, lorsque vous aurez signé votre nouveau bail, c’est vous qui aurez besoin de fluidité pour alléger votre estomac.

Notes

[1NDLR : la Bar-Mitzvah étant l’action consistant à offrir sa première cuite au petit cousin Shmuel au bar de la synagogue

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    Crise du logement : conseils pour ren

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        Crise du logement : conseils pour ren

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        Crise du logement : conseils pour ren

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          Crise du logement : conseils pour ren

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    Crise du logement : conseils pour ren

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      Crise du logement : conseils pour ren

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        • {#EMAIL_AUTEUR,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

          19 mars 22:32, par Angela Hubbs

          Crise du logement : conseils pour ren

          The higher and decrease physique exercise sessions will prioritize strength training, resulting in lower reps and a concentrate on compound exercises.
          On the other hand, the PPL routine through the week will spotlight hypertrophy.
          It’s best to do a full body routine 3 days every week
          with 1-2 rest days between workouts as a end
          result of it allows for adequate relaxation time between exercises.
          This sort of exercise with a quantity of units of compound exercises and a big coaching volume
          will help maximize muscle gain, muscle hypertrophy and power.

          You can do barbell compound workouts on the fitness center or a full physique
          dumbbell workout at house with adjustable dumbbells.
          Science has proven that a 3-day full body exercise plan with complete rest days in between is right for building muscle and having sufficient and effective muscle recovery time.

          It allows you to focus on muscle development without
          the constant cycle of chopping. If you want to actually rework your physique, committing to a full 12 months of bulking may be the
          key. With our carry movement we’re going to be accruing extra quantity.

          Our targets with this helpful exercise are to get an additional conditioning effect from the carry, and to construct grip sustainability which
          will benefit us in our major lifts. In fact, the
          Farmer’s Carry is a great exercise to incorporate
          in each dumbbell workout session. Click right here to return to our full record of strength training workouts.
          The reverse fly is a great rear delt exercise that additionally works the muscular tissues in your
          upper again that pull your shoulder blades collectively.

          Our subsequent train choice works the posterior chain, focusing on the hinge
          movement sample with this lift. More importantly, we’ll be engaged on developing the missed
          facet of gluteal muscle participation in a hinge.
          Now we transfer onto our foundational lower body motion sample for energy using the Barbell Squat.
          Be certain you are performing this compound movement
          with appropriate form to minimize the chance of injury.

          This is primarily based mostly on studies with previously untrained individuals, and it is doubtless that you’ll require barely
          greater training volumes to keep growing as you get
          extra trained. Normally, we recommend doing a few good exercises
          per muscle group. However in the case of the shoulder muscles,
          we are primarily taking a glance at three completely different muscles in a single.

          Consultants often debate the effectiveness of varied coaching splits.

          Many agree that one of the best break up largely is determined by individual objectives and
          circumstances. Some prefer larger frequency, whereas others focus
          on volume and intensity. For instance, should
          you miss a workout, you can simply shift your schedule somewhat than really feel discouraged.

          You also can modify the volume of your workouts based mostly on how you’re feeling each day.
          If you’re fatigued, consider decreasing the intensity or volume for that session.
          Skinny individuals ought to comply with a year-long bulking exercise plan with
          a managed caloric surplus and prioritize energy training using compound lifts.
          Aim for 1% body weight achieve per thirty days and ensure a balanced intake
          of protein, carbs, and fats. Consistency and endurance are
          key to reaching sustainable muscle growth. Let’s take a quick look at an important advantages of full physique training, after which we’ll launch into
          the 4 weeks of daily workouts with a rest day each other day.
          In other words, this will be a 3-day full-body weekly workout
          routine, or a 3-day workout break up organized into a 4-week workout plan.
          Begin by assessing your one-rep max (1RM) for key compound lifts such because
          the squat, deadlift, and bench press. Evaluating these numbers to your
          beginning 1RM highlights the strength features made throughout the year.

          Like most of the other shoulder exercises, the
          vital thing to proper type in this exercise is to begin with a really gentle weight and
          concentrate on the muscular tissues working. Whether you’re a
          beginner or advanced lifter, these exercises will help you pack on muscle and
          increase your shoulder energy rapidly. Aim to finish the next workouts alternating
          between them over the course of two to three days per week with no much less than one day off in between for rest.
          The few isolation workouts are added toward the end of the exercise to help additional convey
          out muscle definition and enhance the muscle pump you experience.
          Take between 60 and a hundred and twenty seconds of rest on the workout routines other than the train the place you are to perform seven sets.
          Right Here the remaining period must be shorter and kept round
          30 seconds for max muscle pump.
          Here are 5 bodybuilding packages to pack on critical muscle.
          When it involves training for performance (such as strength),
          the connection between stimulus, relaxation, and performance is
          usually illustrated with a curve similar
          to the one under. The similar precept applies
          in coaching for max muscle development. Few issues are more frustrating than if you put in hours at
          the fitness center, with out getting any noticeable results.
          And conversely, few things feel better than when you’re clearly seeing that you have gained muscle mass and strength.

          Are you an intermediate or superior trainee looking to build muscle mass fast ?
          If so, welcome to this system I merely name The Muscle Constructing Exercise Routine.
          But that’s not promoted as much as new workout concepts like CrossFit.
          These other packages could additionally be are great for different objectives, but not for bodybuilding.
          If you want to get jacked, however can’t ignore these basic bodybuilding exercises and ideas
          that go together with it.
          The content material on our website is for informational
          and academic functions only and isn’t supposed as
          medical advice or to switch a relationship with a qualified healthcare skilled.
          Purpose to take about one minute of relaxation between the first group of exercises after which shorten the rest
          period to seconds for the second. Note that you
          simply’re finest off doing an isolated train for your set of seven, which is why the exercises are chosen as such.

          In this expert evaluation, we analyze, critique, and expand on Dr.
          Pak’s suggestions on the RP podcast for structuring your coaching split.
          Our group consists of an train scientist with 20+ years within the health club who ensures each perception is backed by experience and
          real-world outcomes. Never forget that your muscle has no concept how a lot weight is
          on the bar. So if you’re curling eighty pounds, yet you’re using momentum, your
          thighs and your back to get the load up, your goal muscle isn’t going
          to be impressed. That 18 rep set will make your quads really feel hotter than hell.

          Make sure that you’re consuming enough amounts of
          protein consumption, together with protein powder if essential,
          and healthy fat to help fasten your muscle recovery and muscle
          restore. If you wish to shed weight while maintaining on muscle,
          then you want to up the protein and decrease the carbs.
          For a fat loss food plan, your protein must be at round 1 gram per
          lb of body weight. Your carbs must be cut in half, only consuming
          them in the mornings, a little an hour or so earlier than your workout,
          and simply after a exercise. Comply With a program intently for
          4-12 weeks so you’ll find a way to truly make progress, however after that coaching cycle is up, change up your
          routine.
          You might find this to be essentially the most attention-grabbing workout of the week.
          And it could shortly turn out to be your favorite workout of the week.
          You’re pushing with shoulders, and ending
          by pulling with some gentle back work.
          We need you to focus on progressive overload on this program.
          If we ask you to choose a weight for six reps, it signifies that you shouldn’t
          be succesful of do any more than that. The process of development ought to
          occur similar to the above instance, with the one distinction being that you’d be going for a unique set and rep vary aim for various workout routines.
          If you’re unable to reach the set and rep range with a given weight, then your goal is to easily get
          extra reps in each of your sets till you attain that prescribed set and rep objective.

          I measure this by inserting my arms on the sensors
          that include most modern treadmills. Greatest of
          all, I’m recovering sooner than ever, and I’m capable of doing a lot more work in the fitness center.
          Progressive overload stimulates the adaptive responses that make muscles develop.

          Protein supplies you with amino acids your body uses to restore muscle fibers
          and create new muscle tissue. It’s a tried and tested approach
          to energy and mass building. The feeling of feat when you smash a PR or
          the energetic pumps you get on high quantity days is unmatched.
          It’s what will get you out of bed on those cold,
          dark morning and straight into the load room.

          A 3-day full body exercise schedule works finest because it allows for enough relaxation time between workouts.
          Exercise B may have the identical construction as Workout A but
          will make the most of different efficient compound workouts for
          a few of the movement patterns, for a complete total body exercise routine.
          Now we transfer on to some of the foundational movement patterns for push,
          and a great chest muscular tissues exercise for hypertrophy, which
          is the Barbell Bench Press performed on a flat bench.
          This is perhaps the commonest chest movement, however as soon as again it’s necessary to use correct type on this raise to avoid the risk of harm.
          I’ll provide you with not one, but TWO muscle
          constructing full body exercises and put them together in a whole one-month
          full body exercise routine. 4 day superior full body
          workout routine for mass is designed in such a
          method that you will train each muscle group twice every week.

          In this instance, you may have efficiently reached the prescribed three units of 6-8 reps with whatever weight you have been utilizing (100lbs in this example).
          You had been able to do between 6 and 8 reps in the entire
          three units. The Muscle Constructing Exercise Routine makes use of
          an upper/lower split, which is among the most confirmed and popular coaching
          splits of all time. We’ve all identified individuals who make things extra sophisticated than they have to be.
          At work, there’s the boss who requires assembly
          after mind-numbing assembly and procedures that rival a NASA
          rocket-launch sequence. (Come on, what quantity of steps does it actually take to order new staplers ?) For you, Workplace Area seemed extra like a documentary than a comedy.

          Conversely, if weight isn’t growing, you could need
          to eat extra. You can monitor energy, weight, and measurements multi
          function place. We’re going to begin out this effective exercise with a warmup
          utilizing an athletic motion sample lots of us overlook.
          We’ll send you the newest coaching plans, movies, diet
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          Sleep can be necessary as it provides the perfect alternative
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          of core lifts will make all the distinction when it comes to optimal progress.
          One of the hallmarks of a robust, lean lifter
          is their relationship with the gym. This
          exercise schedule is designed to add maximum bulk in just 6-8 weeks.

          Carry a heavy weight for the prescribed reps, rest two minutes and do
          it once more. One of the simplest exercise programs for bodybuilding and gaining mass is the Push-Pull-Legs routine.
          In fact, I’m going to provide you 2 totally different bodybuilding ‘pull’ routines
          that you can begin this week….
          That way, you get as many important amino acids (the ones you must provide to
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          The employees (your muscles) are able to build however need
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          protein) to assemble your muscle mansion. A caloric surplus means you deliver truckloads
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          It’s like having a staff of tiny development staff
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          Isolation actions are a superb approach to target specific muscle tissue, and novices could initially find them safer and simpler to study than compound actions.
          As talked about, muscle building is particular to the muscle
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          your muscles to work more durable each week. The double drop units involve performing three subsets (within one set), first with heavyweight, second with heavy to moderate weight, and
          third with moderate weight. Drop sets are the place you perform a set then immediately cut back the
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        • {#EMAIL_AUTEUR,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

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      • {#EMAIL_AUTEUR,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

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Déjà 13 réactions.

  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    9 janvier 2011 13:18, par Saint Crétique

    Ah mais ! moi je ne veux…

    Ah mais ! moi je ne veux pas le payer !!!
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    7 janvier 2011 12:51, par holala

    juste entre les echopes de…

    juste entre les echopes de mes copains bresiliennes pedrolita et tonionetta et effectivement elles me disent finir souvent la nuit au poste
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    7 janvier 2011 10:51, par antoine moufette

    Même pas drôle tellement…

    Même pas drôle tellement c'est lucide...
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    7 janvier 2011 00:24, par Dédé Lajoie

    Comment voulez vous le payer…

    Comment voulez vous le payer de la main à la main (c'est mieux pour éviter les papiers) sans le voir ?
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    7 janvier 2011 00:23, par Dédé Lajoie

    Dans le bois de Boulogne…

    Dans le bois de Boulogne ? coté Paris ou coté Boulogne ? (parce que c'est pas pareil). Colissimo ? Vous savez que ces gens là appartiennent à La Poste ? Vous ne seriez pas un peu nanti ?
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    6 janvier 2011 22:33, par Saint Crétique

    Cet article est un tissu…

    Cet article est un tissu d'invraisemblances !!! A Paris un locataire a-t-il déjà VU son propriétaire pour de vrai ? Non le propriétaire parisien se garde bien de montrer, et pire de serrer la main à ces familles de manants (médecins, avocats, ingénieurs) à qui il accepte de louer un local à balais pour (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    5 janvier 2011 22:41, par Indignons-nous !

    Excusez ma rudesse, compagnon…

    Excusez ma rudesse, compagnon d'infortune, mais peut-être feriez-vous mieux d'engager un détective privé pour étudier les faits et gestes de votre propriétaire. Déclare-t-il tout bien au fisc ? à son épouse ? Dans le doute, dénoncez-le au fisc, ou prenez à son nom une carte à la MJC de Tarnac. Ainsi (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    5 janvier 2011 14:58, par Jacques Huze

    Des Parisiens locataires…

    Des Parisiens locataires ? Mais vous délirez mon cher Dédé, cela n'existe plus depuis fort longtime...(sauf à l'Elysée, c'est pour cela qu'un CDI ne serait pas de trop pour notre leader Minimo)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    5 janvier 2011 14:58, par Jacques Huze

    Des Parisiens locataires…

    Des Parisiens locataires ? Mais vous délirez mon cher Dédé, cela n'existe plus depuis fort longtime...(sauf à l'Elysée, c'est pour cela qu'un CDI ne serait pas de trop pour notre leader Minimo)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    5 janvier 2011 06:15, par Ecrivez vote nom

    Bulle ? C’est mon poisson…

    Bulle ? C'est mon poisson rouge. J'ai pour ma part l'intime conviction que la libéralisation des salaires permettrait un rapide réajustement loyer/cours des marchés/prix unitaire de la pipe en sous-sol vers les rations stables historiquement observés en 1132 et 1887. Et de toute façon, si les prix (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    4 janvier 2011 21:07, par Ludivine Enfant

    Monsieur, Nous savons que…

    Monsieur, Nous savons que nous devrions de nouveau nous adresser aux logés pour garder Nicolas à sa place. Soit. Vous admettrez, j'en suis sûre, que l'idée de cette trivialité est positivement désagréable. Je vous en prie, ne nous ennuyez pas monsieur Lajoie avec les pauvres. Pâmons-nous plutôt ! (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    4 janvier 2011 13:09, par Berge de Seketch

    De grands moments dans les…

    De grands moments dans les liens (20% en un an, ça n'est pas une bulle spéculative), notamment ce courageux pamphlet brocardant la loi de 1948 qui sert surtout aux spéculateurs, aux profiteurs, aux nazis et aux pédophiles sidéens. Que notre brave population française® sache lever la tête et affronter (...)
  • {#EMAIL,32,#URL_SITE_SPIP/petit_coq.gif}

    4 janvier 2011 07:57, par samsuffit

    Mr Lajoie j’habite moi meme…

    Mr Lajoie j'habite moi meme un grand carton colisimo XXL dans le bois de boulogne et je ne me plein pas car j'en connais qui n'ont qu'un petit carton colissimo M 8,33 m2 vous habitez un palace mon bon alors un peu de descense (...)

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We are a gaggle of volunteers and opening a brand new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with valuable info to work on. You have performed (...)

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