Didier Kala, mardi 6 août 2013 - 10:56
La réussite de l’équipe de France de natation aux championnats du monde la semaine passée ne saurait masquer l’inquiétante dégradation de l’indice de flottaison dans notre pays. Un mal sournois car fréquemment accompagné de présence d’eau dans les poumons, un mal qui tue comme l’hécatombe du week-end l’a encore prouvé, un mal qui révèle selon le syndicat policier Alliance la gabegie gouvernementale.
L’actualité n’est bien souvent qu’un léger clapotis qui révèle des mouvements insoupçonnés sous une surface que l’implacable soleil estival fait scintiller de mille feux, en même temps qu’il incite à rechercher des métaphores hydratantes plus ou moins fluides.
C’est ainsi que les éclaboussures des derniers jours ont donné lieu à des célébrations, mais aussi à des lamentations.
Célébrations à Barcelone, où les Français ont encore prouvé qu’ils savent tenir leur rang dès lors qu’il s’agit d’agiter les bras et de projeter du liquide dans tous les sens.
Lamentations auprès des étangs, cours d’eau et rivages nationaux, où 15 corps plongés dans un fluide au repos, entièrement mouillés par celui-ci ou traversant sa surface libre, n’ont pas subi la force verticale, dirigée de bas en haut, escomptée.
Sans céder à la psychose, songeons que si l’inverse s’était produit, la France n’aurait plus d’équipe de natation.
La datation au carbone 14 situe la création des noyades estivales dans un intervalle assez court entre l’époque où l’homme a eu chaud près d’un plan d’eau et celle où il a pensé à bouger les jambes et les bras.
Le phénomène n’est donc pas nouveau et on sait depuis longtemps que, comme tous les environnements extrêmes, l’eau tue.
Perdu dans une pathétique course d’endurance avec l’univers, un répétitif et hypnotisant combat à somme nulle dont ne s’échappent à coups d’inaudibles pouf gazeux que quelques volutes de gloriole bien vite aspirés par les rayons d’une étoile indifférente, l’homme n’a toutefois pas renoncé à se mesurer à l’eau.
Cette admirable détermination face à des éléments hostiles, si elle est à peu près également partagée, n’est malheureusement pas toujours accompagnée des capacités nécessaires à mener le coup de bluff jusqu’au bout.
Point tr’eau n’en faut : Alliance capitalise sur son expérience de la gestion de l’eau.
L’écart entre bien-flottants et mal-nageants qui s’est manifesté ce week-end à travers les performances de nos champions et celles de nos sacs de plomb n’est lui non plus pas neuf. Ce qui choque toutefois dans la répétition de ces drames silencieux, c’est l’absence de gardes-fou qui nous permettraient de décréter que les noyés l’ont bien cherché.
Le fait est que le gouvernement ne fait rien pour assurer la sécurité aquatique des Français. C’est en substance le cri d’alarme poussé hier par le syndicat policier Alliance — un syndicat qui durant son existence n’a jamais transigé avec l’eau et a toujours nourri la plus grande méfiance à son égard.
Un quart des maître-nageurs sauveteurs du littoral auraient disparu depuis 2002 : « Mais plus probablement depuis 2012. Vous savez comment c’est sur la plage, le regard vaque, c’est difficile de tenir le compte », précise Denis Jacob, l’un des porte-parole d’Alliance.
Une baisse d’effectif qui a fait tache d’huile : de même que l’ouverture d’un commissariat accroît le sentiment de sécurité à des kilomètres à la ronde, la disparition des pandores littoraux provoque maintenant des noyades jusque dans les étangs et rivières de l’hinterland, hors de portée de voix des vendeurs de chouchous.
Alliance dénonce par ailleurs les plus grandes difficultés d’une police affaiblie pour « lutter contre la délinquance et autres incivilités engendrées par le flux migratoire estival de la population ». « Vous avez bien noté "délinquance" et "flux migratoire" ? C’est pour un bingo qu’on fait avec des copains », insiste M. Jacob.
A titre d’exemple, le syndicat cite ainsi l’exemple horrifique d’un noyé à qui les écrevisses ont mangé les yeux avant de le violer à plusieurs reprises, un acte barbare que les media ont choisi de taire suite à des instructions très précises du ministère de la Justice. « Un silence à but électoraliste, sans doute » suppute M. Jacob, qui assure pouvoir fournir très prochainement des preuves.
Les leaders de l’UMP ont fait de la lutte contre la mal-nageance un combat personnel.
L’opposition n’a pas manqué de jouer son rôle démocratique salutaire en déplorant à son tour la baisse des effectifs policiers survenue ces dix dernières années.
Elle réclame de plus le rétablissement d’une réelle politique d’aide aux mal-nageants, à l’image des cours télédiffusés d’air-brassage assurés par Nadine Morano en son temps, et réclame la publication du brevet de secouriste des membres du gouvernement.
On n’est pas en reste du côté des leaders de l’UMP, puisque Jean-François Copé a esquissé les grandes lignes d’un partenariat public-privé afin d’assurer l’accès de tous les Français à la piscine.
Laurent Wauquiez, dont le spectacle de stand-up joue actuellement à guichets fermés au Puy-en-Velay, a quant à lui intégré, dans son style inimitable, les revendications d’Alliance à sa routine électorale : « au moins, si le gouvernement donne des bonnets de bains aux cancéreux d’assistés, ils ne choperont plus de rhume de cerveau. »
[Standing ovation, ndlr.]
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